In her book, The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, Susan wrote about how out-of-date expectations can put cracks in our relationship with our spouse or partner. To make sure we are putting our relationship first—and not our expectations—Susan offered this “Love Lesson.”
Analyze Your Expectations
She wrote, “In no other area do we need to pick up the mirror more than we do relative to our old expectations and new freedoms.” Here are some questions you can use to help evaluate how your expectations are affecting your relationship.
What do I really expect from my mate?
Where am I stuck in old ways of thinking about how a relationship should be?’
How do I remain whole without losing myself to my mate?
How do I maintain my lovingness while fulfilling my own dreams?
Where are my expectations inconsistent with my stated desires?
Take the time to really consider these questions and write down your answers. Perhaps give these questions to your partner as well, so you can both do a “check-up” to make sure your relationship is healthy.
Susan said, “Really analyzing our inconsistencies and expectations requires consciousness. We have to be awake as to where old habits of thinking are getting in the way of a loving relationship. Without consciousness we just keep doing the same relationship-defeating actions over and over again. And a break-up is often inevitable. It is important to look inside to see what we can do to become more loving people, which, as you have already learned, is the most important purpose of our relationship.”
Where does your relationship stand when you answer these questions?