Mining your relationship gold

“A relationship is a goldmine . . . We would be much richer if we mined the gold.” Susan Jeffers

It’s that month of the year again when everybody goes crazy for the idea of love. Hearts in shades of red and pink are everywhere. For those in romantic relationships, it makes us feel pressured to show our love. For those of us without romantic relationships, it makes us feel pressured to be in one. While love is the theme of the month, it doesn’t always feel like the most loving.

That is where Susan’s idea of “relationship gold” can help us to get to the heart of our loving relationships. She wrote about it her her book, The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love. Every relationship has a layer of gold. In romantic relationships, it usually shines brightest during the time that we fall for each other and make a commitment. In platonic relationships, gold is revealed when you know you can rely on one another. There is even gold in our relationship with ourself. It shines when we feel confident and at peace with the world.

But then life comes and layers of sediment build up in the form of stress, worry, sadness, grief, and all those feelings that can make day-to-day life a strain. The gold is still there, but isn’t visible due to the layers of time and experience that have accumulated on top of it.

Susan wrote, “Yes, a relationship is a goldmine. It has the potential for teaching us so many things about giving, loving and caring. This is because life hands us so many difficult situations that can interfere with love, and we need to learn how to handle them. When problems occur, that’s our signal to mine the gold, and that means learning how to become a more loving person in the middle of it all.”—d

Why is it important to tap into relationship gold? Because that is the foundation that upholds our commitment, that underlies our love. It’s what is essential in our loving relationships. Beneath our day-to-day living with our partner, our friends, ourselves, there is something much deeper that supports our bonds. Because we live so much on the surface, we have to dig deep to remind ourselves of the best parts of our loving relationships. The longer we know someone the deeper we have to dig to find that gold, but the more rewarding the gold will be.

“In all things we need to determine to keep our love a priority if we expect to create a lasting love,” Susan advised, having learned it through her own difficult experiences. “Sometimes this is easier said than done. We all have our own issues. But whatever these issues are, the basic rules of love apply. And it is these rules that we all need to learn in order to help us strengthen our sense of self—and our love.”

Knowing that seam of relationship gold is there if we look for it can help us through tough times. All relationships will face some adversity in their course, but if we remember the treasure that the relationship was founded upon we will be able to weather any adversity we face.

That is why we have to keep our commitment to our relationships at the top of our To Do list. We have to make it a priority or it can get buried beneath all the day-to-day drudge.

Of course, when we have a To Do list a mile long, it becomes harder to put our relationships first. It becomes easier to take them for granted, believing they will still be there for us when we are ready to pay attention to them.

Even when it feels like there is too much to do to work on our relationships, we need to still make it a priority. Sure you are stressed and need to feel the love and support of your partner and friends. But as in everything, the best way to get something is to give it away first. The more loving you are the more loved you will be and then you’ll really find out what mining for gold is all about.

We have to remember, when life gets in the way, that there is gold in the foundation of our relationships. Something precious and vibrant, that when we connect with it will support us through bad times and good. As Susan put it so eloquently:

“No relationship is smooth all the time. They all go through patches of change and adjustment; but if we keep putting our relationship first, we can always find a way of being at peace and being more compassionate to the person we love. In this way, our love grows . . . and grows . . . and grows.”