Anger Used for Good

This month we’re talking about flowing with the changes in our relationship with our spouse or partner and making sure our old-expectations are not creating friction. In The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, Susan offered this advice:

PUT YOUR ANGER TO GOOD USE. Anger is a good clue that our expectations are in control and they are getting in the way of love. If we use our inappropriate anger to hurt our mate, our relationship is in danger. On the other hand, if we use our inappropriate anger as a vehicle for growth, then it is a valuable emotion. How do we do that? It’s easy. We pick up the mirror and once again ask ourselves the important questions, ‘What am I not doing for myself that I am expecting him/her to do for me?’ ‘How can I change what isn’t working?’ And other such telling questions.

When we begin taking responsibility for
our experience of life, our anger disappears.

Anger feels powerful, but unless it is used to teach us what we need to work on within ourselves, it is actually powerless. It fools us into thinking we are correct in all our unloving thoughts. It is also an important clue that we are not in control of our reactions. It causes us to blame our mates. It says we are victims. And unless we pick up the mirror, our anger can become vicious and ugly – witness many divorce proceedings.

You can understand why the mirror is so important when we are feeling angry. When we take responsibility for our own lives, our anger disappears and we stop blaming our mate. Powerful indeed!