Saying NO and Co-dependency

“Say YES to saying NO! Initially, saying NO to tasks brought before us can bring on great anxiety. That’s OK! Feel the fear and say NO anyway! Very quickly, you will realize that our motivation for doing most of the tasks brought before us has less to do with the tasks than it has to do with making ourselves feel more important or more secure or more wanted.”

Susan wrote this paragraph for End the Struggle and Dance With Life, but it relates to all of her work. So many of our fears are about other people— what they do, what they think, what can happen to them, and so on.

This is the classic definition of co-dependency—an inability to establish healthy boundaries between ourselves and others where we let their behavior determine our own self-esteem and happiness. When we are co-dependent, because we rely on sources outside ourselves for peace of mind, we develop an addictive need to control other people’s behavior. As Susan said, “Unfortunately, this is an exercise in futility.”

Even though saying NO can be a crushing thing to learn, it is also essential to living in touch with our Higher Selves. It’s essential in order to honestly and openly say YES to the Universe. If we are always looking outside ourselves in a co-dependent way, we’ll never be able to see the magnificence we hold inside.

“Saying YES to your Universe means letting go of resistance and letting in the possibilities inherent in any of life’s situations. Saying YES is definitely a tool of our Higher Self! Conversely, saying NO is definitely a tool of our Lower Self! In the way I am using it, saying NO means being a victim. It means resisting opportunities for growth. Saying NO creates tension, exhaustion and struggle. Saying YES reduces upset and anxiety and lets you become the creator of enriching new life experiences. Saying YES doesn’t mean giving up. It means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you. It means moving into the realm of action. Here you are able to…”

Saying YES is a very powerful tool indeed!