Becoming less judgmental begins by becoming more self-aware. Susan created an exercise, that she discusses in The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, that helps you to “Become the Observer of Your Thoughts.”
With the help of your mirror, begin to notice your thoughts, so that over there is you . . . and over here is you watching you! In so doing, you are moving yourself one step away from the emotions that may be running you at any moment in time. This allow you to be more objective in terms of what you are doing either to help or hurt your relationship.
If your mirror tells you that your heart is controlling your thoughts, you are in a healthy space relative to love. Of course, there is always more to learn. If your mirror tells you that fear is controlling your thoughts, not to worry. It’s simply time to gather and use the tools that help you to push through the fear and that ultimately allow a beautiful love to emerge. Remember not to judge yourself. Just become the observer of your thoughts and soon you will be able to move them into a more positive realm.