When we are working on improving ourselves and we face push back from the people we love, we need to use the right tools in order to deflect any negativity. If we don’t and we might lash out and start arguments, then we aren’t helping ourselves or those around us.
In Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan suggests taking a lesson from the nonaggressive self-defense school of Aikido—the best victory is the one in which everyone wins. One of Susan’s favorite ways to do this is with the Blending Energies technique. If someone attacks you with a negative comment, counter with “I hear you, but I don’t agree” or “I understand, but that no longer applies to the person I am today.” While you acknowledge the person’s comment, you are cutting it off with a positive statement of your own. It may not work in every situation, but it is a powerful tool for letting loved ones know that you are a changed person and that you won’t fall back into old habits of reacting negatively.
She also suggested learning some centering techniques, so when you feel your buttons being pushed, you know how to bring yourself back to a place of balance and harmony. Meditation is good for helping to find balance, so are positive affirmations and relaxation audios.
As you become more self-assured and stronger in your self, loved ones will no longer be able to hurt you through their words. As Susan wrote, “You can simply give them a big kiss and say, ‘I love you but I have to live my own life. End of story.’ No moans and groans. No hysteria about how badly they are all treating you. When you let go of the emotions that hold you in the role of a child, you can step into the role of an adult, and then have more loving relationships with your family and friends.
The less you need someone’s approval, the more you are able to love them.